Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize