It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
