so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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