I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
