I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
