At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My vagina just recognized that song.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
