yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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