Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
