I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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