You're my little dorito
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
