i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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