I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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