he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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