This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sober January is a disaster.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
