i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
