Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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