Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
