Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
