remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
