We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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