we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
