I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
