just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
