wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
