K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...