Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

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  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (1162) Bad night (7939)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad

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  (201): he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad http://tfl.nu/jzas
  Replies (40) Good night (754) Bad night (4297)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

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  (785): a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class http://tfl.nu/uh5h
  Replies (26) Good night (4655) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.

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  (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was. http://tfl.nu/ift5
  Replies (16) Good night (6058) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.

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  (850): My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper. http://tfl.nu/6jx2
  Replies (15) Good night (2980) Bad night (1006)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.

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  (812): well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me. http://tfl.nu/v83s
  Replies (2) Good night (1245) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route

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  (519): Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route http://tfl.nu/dfjg
  Replies (6) Good night (3195) Bad night (791)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"

  (239): View more from Florida

  I am the fairy godmother of the drink.

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  (724): I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED" (239): I am the fairy godmother of the drink. http://tfl.nu/ryur
  Replies (3) Good night (2295) Bad night (707)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.

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  (248): Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/ylim
  Replies (3) Good night (1300) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We left the knife in your bed.

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  (780): We left the knife in your bed. http://tfl.nu/mwcc
  Replies (9) Good night (573) Bad night (1168)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.

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  (202): It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks. (202): I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to. http://tfl.nu/wpl5
  Replies (10) Good night (1512) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party

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  (305): If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party http://tfl.nu/141m
  Replies (4) Good night (852) Bad night (264)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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  (720): In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day. http://tfl.nu/haxq
  Replies (3) Good night (819) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome

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  (815): I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome http://tfl.nu/5x53
  Replies (1) Good night (546) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.

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  (440): You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex. http://tfl.nu/jc9e
  Replies (3) Good night (570) Bad night (188)

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