remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter