Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.