Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.