Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
