see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
