I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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