WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
