i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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