i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
