I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
