I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
