It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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