Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
