Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
should my penis look like a turkey
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
