Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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