dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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