this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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