i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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