Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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