I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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