He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
