I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
