I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
