a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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