How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
