Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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