Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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