I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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