Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
