why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
