I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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