He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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