Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
