Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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