we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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