I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
