the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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