at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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