he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
