Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize