the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
