I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
